Monday, July 8, 2013

Now For the Fun Stuff

The rest of this blog is going to include my daily personal walk with my marriage/relationship involving domestic discipline.

Unfortunately, DD has not been a part of our marriage as of late. I feel frustrated, pushed aside, worthless, and uncared for.

Several of my online DD friends are currently praying that my HOH comes back. I need him desperately. Things were going SO WELL when we were actively making DD a part of our relationship. I do not understand why it is no longer something we do now.

I have decided that biting my tongue off, and continuing to bottle everything up are my only two options at this point. As I look back, I see literally about 150 instances in just this past year that would have certainly warranted discipline and correction. Maybe he just completely gives up on me and does not want to tell me. Maybe I am not worth it at all. Maybe I just need to close down this blog and fall off the map. Kind of like, it is never gonna happen, so why should I keep beating my head against the wall expecting a different result? Especially when I know the result will not change.

I guess the good part of keeping a blog is that no one HAS to read it, so I can vent and post all I want, and no one will have to read it or respond. They can just navigate to another page. The beauty of the internet. Gotta love it.

I want my HOH and husband back. I want the closeness, security, forgiveness, and 'what do they have that we don't' question in everyone's eyes. I want to know that issues are discussed, dealt with, then forgiven. I have explained this to my husband verbally until I am just blue in the face. I have written letters, emails, sent texts, and dropped hints. I do not know what else to do or say to get it through. I am NOT going to stoop to the level of "bratting" or "acting out" to force my husband's hand and "bait" him to get what I want and need. I feel that this is highly counterproductive. I have been advised to start acting as if he is my HOH, whether he is or not. I believe this is good advice and plan to do this starting today. If anyone out there in blog land has any other ideas or suggestions I would love to hear them.

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