Friday, June 28, 2013

Punishment for Misbehavior

Now that I have covered the "pre-implementation" discussions, let's delve into various ways to implement the agreed upon standards of your household and what to do do if the agreed upon standards are not being met.

In the domestic discipline community, there are a few basic, essential elements to correcting unwanted behaviors, preventing some behaviors, and maintaining good behaviors. Let's look at each individually.

Correcting unwanted behaviors usually warrants some type of punishment or consequence. In the domestic discipline world, the most common punishment or consequence is spanking. Spanking in adult relationships has been around for hundreds of years and if you do some research, you will find it is not nearly as uncommon as you think. Spanking is the act of striking the bottom or sit-spots of another person, causing brief, temporary pain to prevent or deter dangerous or unwanted behavior.

In order to get this problem under control and prevent the problem in the future, a consequence is implemented. In this scenario, the husband decides that this offense now warrants a spanking. How does he go about accomplishing this? Before ANY type of punishment or discipline is carried out, the husband MUST be calm, collected, and in complete control of his emotions. IT IS NEVER OKAY FOR A HUSBAND TO DISCIPLINE OR PUNISH HIS WIFE WHEN HE IS UPSET OR ANGRY AT ANY TIME, ANYWHERE. If a husband is not calm, it is recommended that he place his wife in a corner or in their bedroom for a few minutes while he calms down and gains complete control of his emotions BEFORE administering any type of punishment, especially spanking. ONLY AFTER THE HUSBAND IS COMPLETELY CALM AND IN CONTROL OF HIS EMOTIONS SHOULD HE PROCEED WITH A PUNISHMENT SPANKING. Once this state of mind has been attained, the husband should tell his wife that she is going to receive a spanking for not keeping up on her household duties and for allowing the laundry to sour. The problem needs to be stated in in such a way that the wife has a CLEAR understanding. It should be explained until the husband is assured that she is 100% clear on why she is going to be punished with a spanking.

For example: "It is your duty per our agreement to keep the laundry caught up. I specifically asked you to complete this task and you failed to complete it. The kids have a soccer game tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. and we have to leave the house no later than 9:20 to be there on time. Now, because their uniforms are not clean and ready to go, we will have to stay up late to get them clean, lose sleep, and not be as well rested for tomorrow while running them to the game, and then enduring the all day tournament that the league has lined up. We cannot send them to the game in dirty uniforms. It is important that you do what I ask so that our children can participate in the activities of their choosing. Do you understand why this is important?"

State the problem in simple terms and explain in detail why it is a problem. Your wife may not realize the gravity of her actions or inactions in the moment, so it is vitally important that everything is explained to her in a thorough, calm discussion. Now that she understands (notice I said "understands", not "agrees with") the problem, she will be more likely to accept whatever consequences that you have decided to implement.  Be sure that she does, indeed, understand why it is a problem and why she is to be punished. NEVER PUNISH BEFORE YOU EXPLAIN THE REASONING OF THE PUNISHMENT. Just like "shoot first, ask questions later", it is never a good idea to punish your wife and THEN explain why. If you are explaining and lecturing her correctly, usually she will agree with you that her actions do warrant punishment. Have her explain back to you in her own words why she is to receive the decided upon punishment so that you are certain that she understands why she is being punished. You may want or need to allow her some time in the corner or bedroom to collect herself before receiving her spanking. This is of course at your discretion.

After the lecture/discussion is finished, it is now time to implement the discussed punishment. Before you ever have to punish your wife, you should discuss the position she is to be in, clothed or bare bottom, and any other details that would slow down the process:

"Okay honey, you know the laundry is to be completed per our agreement and you did not hold up your end of the agreement, which is punishable by a spanking. I am going to spank you now and need you to remove your jeans and underwear and get over my lap."

Your wife is NOT going to be happy about her impending spanking, but she should be cooperative up to a point if you have done your discussing and lecturing correctly. Be sure to praise and encourage her for cooperation, no matter how small, especially in the beginning.

"Thank you for cooperating. I know this isn't fun for either of us, but we agreed this needs to be done. The sooner we get this over with, the faster we can move on with our day."

At this point she should be in the decided upon spanking position. If she is not ready to cooperate and get into position, it is recommended that she be remanded to the corner until she is ready to cooperate. If she is indicating that she is not ready to be cooperative, the husband could say something like:

"I see that you are not ready to receive your spanking like a mature adult. You can stand in the corner until you decide to be mature and accept your spanking without arguing or stalling."

This extra time should not be taken advantage of by the wife under ANY circumstances. There are some legitimate times where the wife will need a few extra minutes to compose herself before receiving her spanking, but it should not occur too often. If the extra time is being used to take advantage of the husband, this offense should be punished separately.

After she is in spanking position, (over the knees, over the bed, leaning on a chair, standing up, etc.) The husband should begin the punishment by doing a warm up spanking. This is to wake up the nerves of her bottom and prevent any bruising. The safest way to spank is bare bottomed so that the husband can monitor the spanking to be sure that it is not too severe. Now that she is warmed up, the punishment spanking can commence. A general rule of thumb is to use the minimum amount of force necessary to get your point across, only pushing past the line on occasion to be sure the lesson is learned. Once the warm up is done, the main event should be several moderate to severe swats to the wife's bare bottom to correct unwanted behavior by means of painful administration. Remember this is a punishment, not play time. Your wife will cry and it is a necessary part of the process.

Crying is a healthy way to relieve stress, guilt, and bad behavior. Kicking and moving around should be kept at a minimum, but recognize that the body's natural response to pain is to 'get away from whatever is inflicting the pain', so SOME movement is to be expected, especially in the beginning. If this happens, simply move her gently back into position and pick up where you left off. If it continues too much and is a clear sign of interfering with the disciplinary process in an effort to get you to stop, then you have another issue to deal with all together. If she had agreed to this lifestyle, then this should not occur. A common problem that some people have is the wife reaching back to cover her rear while the spanking is in progress. This us a problem for two reasons: first, it is a clear defiance of the husband and punishment itself, and second, if her hand is in the way, there is the chance for injury if she is in the way mid-swat with an implement like a paddle, her hand could be broken or at the very least , painfully bruised. Remind her before the punishment session begins of the importance of keeping her hands clear of her bottom.

"Honey, I know this is painful and difficult for you but I am going to need you to keep your hands away from your bottom during your spanking. I do not want to cause you unintentional injury because I wasn't able to stop mid-swing in time. I could bruise or even break your hand so it is very important that you keep your hands away from your bottom and keep as still ad possible. Do you understand?"

Some people find it easier to give the wife a pillow or something to hold on to that will keep her hands occupied during her spanking. Get a clear, verbal response from the wife that she understands that she is to keep her hands away from her bottom.

Once all of these issues have been addressed and the spanking is ready to commence, there should be no other discussion or debating. The husband needs to make up his mind and stick to his decision. The husband should also be careful not to threaten or promise a spanking and then not follow through. Not following through does a few things:

1. It shows your wife that you are not serious and that she can get away with it again.

2. It shows your wife that you truly do not care about her enough to correct her when necessary.

3. It weakens your authority and allows your wife to believe that anything is negotiable and that she can "get out of it" with some careful, calculated moves to distract you.

4. It causes the wife confusion because now she won't know what behavior warrants a spanking and she will not take you seriously the next time you inform her that she is "going to get it" when the two of you reach the privacy of your own home.

Also, it is not good to have the wife experience the "pins and needles" effect of expectation, plus nervousness, and all the other emotions that come with an impending spanking, then not deliver on your word. It leaves her thinking, "Why did he not follow through? Am I not important enough to follow through? Does he give up on me completely? Am I not worth the time or effort? Was he just threatening me? Does he enjoy watching me stress out, sit on pins and needles, and toying with me, maybe that's part of the punishment or all of the punishment?" Guys, you do not want your wives to be thinking and feeling these things. They are truly awful things to have to feel and process. IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF FOLLOWING THROUGH, DO NOT THREATEN OR PROMISE PUNISHMENT.

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