Friday, June 28, 2013

Ok, we have decided to give this a try and think it may be beneficial to our marriage and personal lives. Now what?

Assuming the conversations that took place were open, honest, genuine, and consensual, and both parties have agreed to try this, it's time to put it all into practice. So where do you start?

Really, you can start at any point that you feel is right for your relationship and every couple begins differently, but here is how we began our journey, so to speak. We sat down and talked about the relationship dynamic that we wanted to achieve for the long term and how we could meet those goals. We both recognized that some things needed to change in order to attain those goals, so we made the things that needed changing our RULES. Rules are a very integral, important aspect of having a domestic discipline lifestyle and marriage. Essentially everything revolves around the following and/or breaking of these rules. All of the rules should be agreed upon by both parties before implementing any form of consequences. Usually, rules firm out of habits that the submissive tends to steer toward that are either dangerous, dishonest, or disobedient. These three elements are crucial to avoid in ANY relationship, not just a marriage that incorporates DD. Because every couple who practices DD is different, every couple will have similar, yet amazingly different sets of rules and structures that are expected to be followed.

While coming up with some rules to follow, decide what is important to you and your significant other. Is a lack of house cleaning causing stress and undue arguments in your relationship? Make a list of household chores that are to be done daily, weekly, biweekly, and even monthly. Listing everything out and scheduling these duties makes the Rask less daunting when it is broken up into smaller, more manageable tasks. Instead of "clean the house", try "vacuum and dust on Tuesday's and Friday's; do the dishes daily, sweep and mop the floor on Monday's and Thursday's; do the laundry on Wednesday's and Saturday's", etc. It is not necessary nor recommended to have a daunting list of 50 rules to follow. It gets way too complicated and overwhelming to try to remember such a long list. Make a blanket rule like "be respectful at all times". This covers things like using appropriate language, not rolling the eyes, maintaining a good attitude while having a discussion, etc. Therefore, if anything that falls under the rule heading of "be respectful at all times" can be expected to be punished without question. Be sure the list of rules are things that are important to both of you. Husbands are required to follow the rules too. As the head of your household, men need to follow the rules even more so than their wives. You are her leader. You need to teach her how she is to behave. Lead by example, not by a bunch of words that you can't and won't back up with actions. Men are held to an even higher standard than their wolves, whom they are guiding. Once in a while, it IS OKAY to say, "Because I said so," and be done with the discussion, but do not hold your wife to certain standards that you yourself refuse to adhere to just because you are "the MSN". You are not an unemotional tyrant. You are her loving husband who is trying to do his best to live, protect, and guide your wife through life.

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